


I've Seen That Darkness Too

by HauntMeReckless



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Bucky Barnes Feels, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Male Friendship, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Protective Steve Rogers, Separation Anxiety, Snarky Tony, Steve IS a Warning, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7893352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HauntMeReckless/pseuds/HauntMeReckless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint realizes he has a lot more in common with Bucky than he previously realized and reaches out to Bucky's demons with some of his own left over from the Chitauri Invasion of New York. Unintentionally, he stumbles onto a way to help Steve and Bucky both cope with their own shattered relationship decades in the making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Seen That Darkness Too

It had been raining nonstop for days over the thickly wooded and densely populated outskirts of Seattle and in a large, abandoned military base buried in the deepest parts of those woods - the Avengers weren’t off to the best of starts after their shaky return. Thor was battling with an angry demigod resurrected by an occult sect of Hydra and he actually had his hands full. Tony was more than distracted with an old, but experimental antiaircraft weapons system that had been pointed at Olympia no more than a few minutes ago. Steve and Barnes had been separated and that hadn’t gone well. And worse, Hydra seemed eager to get their hands on their ‘Asset’.

Natasha was supposedly deep in the facility, making a run for the central control room of the military base to grab some control back from the spiraling situation while Rogers made headway into a far more soldiers than they’d previously estimated with given intel. And Barnes…

Clint had chased after the Soldier, who’d been like a ghost in the deep forest. Barnes had drawn off some of the Hydra soldiers and mercenaries by giving them the idea of what they’d wanted. Basically he’d used himself as bait to lower the resistance and it had worked. Or Hydra was arrogant. At this point Clint was half worried they had good reason to be. The Avengers hadn’t had a proper battle in nearly a year or two, they were dusty and rusty, and now they had all sorts of trouble on their hands.

And Clint had been doing far better using the cover and the height of the trees to take out numbers fairly easily. But Hydra was scattered too now, there was the bonus, and as his end let up - Clint had one thought on his mind. Barnes.

More or less, what losing him would do to Rogers.

Because the woods were suddenly much too quiet.

“Hey have you guys got things handled over on your end?” Clint asked over the radio in his ear and against his throat, picking up the words and transmitting them securely to all parties.

 _“Define-”_ Steve grunted, _“‘Handled’.”_

Clint winced and looked out over the lushly green and shadowed woods where Barnes had disappeared. He was sure he could handle himself and there was no question of that but Clint momentarily warred with his gut. And his gut won. “I’m going after Barnes. He split off to draw some of Hydras out of the fight.”

 _“No!”_ Tony suddenly ordered loudly and firmly. _“_ Hold _Rogers! Or so help me! Clint go after Barnes. Anything to keep Rogers in the fight.”_

Wow. That had been an almost harsh scolding and Clint wondered where the hell that had even come from. But he was already moving to obey even if it had been his idea in the first place. “I’m on it.”

The sounds of the fight, which were pretty ominous and foreboding even from a distance, started to fade by the time Clint found Barnes. And the rain was coming down not heavily now but steady and in heavy drops. So Clint’s first thought as he found Barnes in the remains of what might have been a long ago collapsed building or an airstrip, was the water he was submerged up to a thigh in. The other leg was pinned but he definitely had come out the victor. Because the bodies surrounding him definitely weren’t moving at any point now or in the future.

Clint was actually pretty sure Barnes had killed everyone.

Holding his bow firmly in hand, Clint set his jaw and carefully maneuvered down the collapsed and ruined pavement of the airstrip. Barnes was moving but he wasn’t breathing well. Everything was wet and nearly slick, but Clint’s tactical boots and his own vast amount of training and experience kept him from crashing and falling to his death. His concern now was getting to Barnes to assess his condition.

And Clint made a nearly silent drop to the ground, traversing the split pavement and concrete. He didn’t call out to Barnes, it’s not exactly what spies did. It wasn’t in his natural instincts to shout either - not when more of Hydra could be around. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. They _were_ sick enough to sacrifice a group to grab an Asset. And if this was a trap…

Well Clint wasn’t excluding that possibility either.

“Barnes.” Clint said quietly once he reached the man. Who was breathing deeply, and rhythmically but like he’d suffered some sort of shock. And Clint’s eyes quickly assessed the scene more closely and the stun baton in the hands of a Hydra agent with a bullet between his eyes quickly confirmed the cause was electrocution. And after giving a good, quick look around to make sure they weren’t going to be ambushed, Clint holstered his bow. “Barnes.” he said again, reaching out to check his pulse.

A metal hand grabbed his wrist so quick that even he didn’t have time to react. And the grip was so painful at first that Clint almost yelled or shouted, only barely keeping his exclamation of pain to a minimum as he gripped the metal wrist belonging to that hand. “Barnes!” And the wild look in Bucky’s eyes immediately made Clint quiet his tone, despite the pain in his wrist, which had very nearly been broken. And he gentled his expression too. “Easy, _Easy_. It’s me, Clint.” he spoke softly but firmly.

Barnes pulled in a breath, a shocked one, and a light of recognition fled back into his eyes. And he abruptly let Clint go.

Clint pulled his wrist away, unable to suppress a sound of pain, and held the afflicted arm with his other hand - speaking after pulling in a breath and pushing back the pain again to something tolerable.“You all right? You with me?”

Bucky glanced pointedly, and guiltily, down at Clint’s wrist but Clint shook his head slightly, sternly. “It’s not broken. Eyes on me.”

Barnes did that much but it didn’t appear to be an easy request to comply to. So Clint just raised his hands with slow and deliberate moments. And he winced, because it hurt, but gave Barnes a wry smile and a wink. “See? Hurts like the devil but nothing broken. Okay?”

Barnes hesitated and then nodded, some of his senses obviously returned, over his previous shock. And he gave a wary look around them too.

“Okay.” Clint said, reaching out and lightly resting a hand on Barnes’ side and over the thick leather of his jacket, assessing his leg which was well and pinned. And the water was rising too. “How about you? Is your leg broken?”

Barnes grunted quietly. “Probably. I can’t feel it.”

Clint gave him a shocked look and Barnes shocked him further by kicking out at one of the dead bodies draped over his other free foot angrily with the leg that did work. And judging by the cry of pain through gritted teeth and the way he went rigid against the concrete at his back, it hadn’t been worth the outburst.

“That one works fine.” Clint grasped a hold of Bucky’s tactical harness to try and take some weight off that other leg. “ _Breathe_.” he told the man, fixing him with a sternly firm and calm look even if Bucky had his eyes squeezed closed and couldn’t see it. “Just breathe.” And he looked back at the leg and thought quick. Yeah it was stuck fast. And they were in a tactically crap position too. Perfect spot to be shot like fish in a barrel. But he thought he could see a way out.

“All right listen. Barnes? Listen to me.” Clint said. “This is going to hurt but I think we can pull your leg out.”

“Just do it.” Barnes said and as if granting permission, he reached over to grasp a hold of Clint’s jacket, effectively putting him in Clint’s hands. And Clint was hoping he wasn’t wrong about this. That the Super Soldier serum worked as well for Barnes as it did for Rogers. But he wasn’t used to being wrong either or making tactically unsound decisions so he decided to go for it.

“I’m honestly hoping you don’t feel this-” Clint muttered to the Super Soldier in question, putting his boot to the concrete Bucky’s leg was trapped under, grabbed his jacket and pulled. That metal hand of his thankfully found something other than Clint and with a yell that Barnes bit down so hard on that his lip bled, Clint actually managed to pull him free. And he held Barnes close while he caught his breath, letting him roll over onto his side, resting his own hand on his back as Clint caught his breath too.

“All right.” Clint grunted, wrapping an arm around Barnes from behind and helping him crawl up the somewhat steep incline of the broken up runway, away from the cold water. “Come on-!” he urged quietly, his own feet slipping and Barnes’ left leg was entirely useless. But Bucky’s metal hand scraped just as uselessly on the pavement trying to get a hold of it. All the same, Clint managed to pull Barnes up far enough away from the water that he wasn’t worried about the man drowning at least. And when they finally could stop, Clint put some distance between them and got a knee up on the concrete. “How’s that leg?” he said as he caught his breath.

Bucky just shook his head. “Get back in the fight. I’m fine here.”

“The hell you are.” Clint murmured, giving a look around the edge of the ravine they were settled in, the edges of the destroyed runway and the forest beyond. There was no way he could get Bucky out of this hole. And if he could, it would take a serious amount of work. “This is Hawkeye.” he said into the radio. “Barnes is secure but his leg is broken. What’s the situation?”

 _“Better.”_ Tony said. _“That demigod didn’t give Thor too much trouble.”_ And he almost sounded smug about that. _“Hydra is pretty much down and out too. Where are you? My guidance system is screwed to hell.”_

Hawkeye relayed his coordinates, resting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, and then gave the Super Soldier in question a gentle pat on said shoulder. “If you could give us a lift out of here that would be great.”

_“You got it. Just hang tight.”_

“Hey.” Barnes suddenly said and then suddenly he was a lot more urgent than that simple, quiet word. And he was grabbing his holstered gun with his metal hand and Hawkeye was grabbing his bow without knowing why. He was guessing Barnes was going to point at any given threat. And he did. But while Barnes took the Hydra agent at the top of the broken up ravine with an almost inhumane display of accuracy, and no more than a few bullets, Hawkeye caught another just behind the first. Clint dropped him quick and then held his breath, poised for more, before directing his voice towards the radio again.

“Yeah Tony we could have company over here. I’d make that lift-”

A flash of red and gold rocketed overhead and Hawkeye smiled tightly. “Quick.”

_“All clear up here. I’m coming down.”_

“Gently.” Hawkeye said firmly.

 _“Like I’m landing on thin ice.”_ Tony quipped back cheerfully.

But apparently he was having stabilizer issues because the landing wasn't as gentle as it could be. Nonetheless, it didn’t disturb the broken up pavement and concrete runway, and barely Bucky - much to Clint’s relief, who knelt now and put his hands on Barnes’ arm and shoulders. “He can’t feel the leg but he’s in a lot of pain. Guessing they got him pretty good with a stun wand or two. So just go easy.”

“Easy just happens to be a specialty of mine.”

“Right.” Clint smiled wryly. And Bucky grunted.

Clint helped Tony get Barnes to his feet, making sure Iron Man had a secure grip before relinquishing his hold. And he couldn’t help but give Bucky a brief, reassuring smile. The man was still out of it, he’d obviously gone through some sort of hell down here that had resulted in his broken leg and ten or twelve dead Hydra agents. Clint couldn’t help but be sympathetic to how the man might be feeling. “Take him up easy.”

“I got him.” Tony assured Hawkeye, in a rare moment of seriousness. “You need a lift too?”

“Nope.” Clint said. “I’ll meet you up at the top.”

Rogers met them up at the top too. He was there and waiting, helping get Bucky over the edge and pulling Barnes into his arms when Tony’s left thruster flickered and almost failed and they both dipped precariously back down towards the hole in the ground. “I gotcha. Easy Buck.”

And Clint might have expected to see a lot of things in that moment between the two. But what he hadn’t expected when Bucky was in Steve’s arms, was to see a strong flicker of guilt. Steve definitely looked like he’d noticed but otherwise ignored it, drawing him close in a protective way that couldn’t be missed. They’d spent almost sixty years apart. Over half a century. And people could often overlook how deeply that had left it’s mark on Rogers.

But Clint definitely hadn’t expected the guilt from Barnes. And in that same moment, he didn’t expect a sudden amount of understanding either on his own end. His own experience, while not nearly so long and drawn out or deep as Barnes’… it was still the source of a lot of nightmares for Clint. He could relate to being completely robbed of yourself, of your own free will. Hurting people. Remembering hurting those people.

Clint didn’t know why he’d ever thought if it before.

 

The remnants of SHIELD were in shambles but a dedicated faction was steadily rebuilding and in numbers. But Clint didn’t have many issues finding what he wanted to find, without even really knowing what that was. Of course, it didn’t hurt to have outside or rather inside help from friends. Clint could have gotten what he’d wanted fairly easily but Natasha had more experience with the Winter Soldier. And the first time he’d been captured.

“You know the deal.” Natasha smiled as she stepped into the pitch black room of Nick Fury’s former office. Clint had his feet up on the desk, waiting for her, eyes falling to the practically ancient hard disc in her hands. But she also looked curious, he could hear it in her voice. He also suspected she already knew why he wanted what she had in her hands. “Purge the drive. Wipe it after you’re done...”

Clint gave her a smile and reached out to take the disc from her hands but Natasha brought it back just out of his reach. And she was quiet for a long moment before taking in a quiet breath. “I admit. The similarities are there. But I don’t know what you’re after.” she said, holding the disc back out to him.

Clint took it with a gloved hand, trying not to think about those 'similarities'. “I don’t know either. I really don’t.”

“Okay.” Natasha suddenly wasn’t smiling anymore. “It’s yours.”

Clint leaned forward as he stood, meeting her eyes intently with his own. “Thank you.” And he meant it.

“You’re welcome.” Natasha returned.

But as he was walking out of the office, Natasha’s voice brought him around. “Barnes is going to be fine. He’ll be walking out of the infirmary first thing tomorrow morning if he has anything to say about it. He also says ‘thanks’.”

Clint smiled, looking down at the disc in his hand. But his expression sobered, thinking of how Barnes must have looked saying it. The hardly flippant way he looked a little guilty, a wince behind wounded eyes. As if a majority of what he had to do had to be earned back because of what he’d done. And Clint let out a quick breath, wondering just what the hell he was getting himself into.

 

Clint watched the video analytically and objectively as an outside observer. He didn’t let himself react or feel much because he was watching the assassination of Tony Stark’s parents. Deep down, it was painful. But Clint got through it the only he knew how and that was through years of diligent training and seeing a lot worse. And being ordered to do similar. But it didn’t change the obvious, blatant fact that he was watching the murder of a very close friend’s mother and father. By the Winter Soldier no less. Firmly Clint reminded himself that Barnes and the Winter Soldier were entirely different people.

Clint took apart everything that he saw. He dissected it. From an outside observer what he was watching might look sloppy but everything was deliberate. It was all made to deliberately look like an accident. There was nothing ‘neat’ about a car accident. But even Clint saw little red flags that surprised him. Barnes - The Winter Soldier he aggressively corrected himself - used his hand to dispatch the woman. Unless he was going to set fire to the car… Clint pulled up a news outlet, past archived records of the ‘car crash’ that had taken the life of Tony Stark’s parents. And it was true, a majority of the car was burned and on fire. Not all of it but most.

Clint started to wonder why he was even watching it-

The security camera. This was security camera footage of the assassination. _The Winter Soldier had let himself be taped and recorded_. And that was alarming enough. But the Winter Soldier was supposed to be an unseen ghost. A nightmare that came and went. A matter of fiction and nothing ever concrete or solid. Nothing real. But he was doing all this right in front of a security camera.

Clint was so disturbed by that fact alone that he was more than a little overwhelmed. And, putting a hand firmly over his mouth, Clint watched the rest. But there wasn’t much else. The Winter Soldier dispatched both targets and encouraged a fire in the car. And then Clint just expected the footage to end. He glanced down at the running time but there was more yet and he couldn’t figure out how the hell-

But then, as if security footage alone wasn’t enough, the Soldier walked right up to the camera, looked straight into the lens - and there was a pause. There was just a split second pause but the eye contact… Clint looked like he was watching a hostage spell out in huge, neon flashing red letters ‘help me’. Clint’s mouth actually dropped open in shock and he leaned forward just as Barnes fired a round into the camera and the screen went blank. And the soft beep told him the video was over but Clint couldn’t move. He couldn’t stop staring at the computer screen.

And he felt inexplicably pained all of a sudden. All over and deep. That might have been Barnes’ only window in decades. And he hadn’t managed to get the message out. No one had seen it, no one had sent rescue. The Winter Soldier had been returned to Hydra, wiped and buried, frozen again for however long. Maybe right up until the attempted assassination of Nick Fury. And considering all that he’d been through, all that pain and suffering, all that he’d endured… That might have been his only window on his very, very short and brutal leash.

Clint sat back heavily in his chair and in the darkness of the room… he just sat there.

And he wasn’t sure how long he stared at that black screen until he heard someone come into the room. He knew it was Laura and he registered that immediately. But the hands gently put onto his shoulders still somehow felt startling. The room had been so quiet and even to have someone else suddenly in it. But Clint wasn’t sure how to feel. But right now, all those memories, being brainwashed by Loki. He was drowning in it. What if Natasha hadn’t gotten through to him? And why couldn’t Barnes’ cry for help have been answered? What would Hydra have done to him as a result of the failure to be completely 'sight unseen'… And so deliberately too.

“Hey.” Laura said quietly. And then she suddenly sounded far more serious and less like a considered, curious partner. “Clint. Are you alright?

Clint swallowed heavily but he could barely take his eyes away from the black screen. “You know I barely remember the Chitauri Invasion. Even the first couple of weeks home I…”

Laura reached down and put a hand on his arm, taking his hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. “Clint? Talk to me. What is this all about?”

Clint drew in a short breath. “Hydra.” he said and he couldn’t feel more disgust and hatred of them right now if he tried.

“What about them? I thought you were making good progress taking the rest of them out-”

“I told you a little bit about the Winter Soldier.” Clint interrupted her quietly.

Laura pulled up a chair and sat down into it beside him, fixing Clint with a quietly serious look. “Yeah. Steve Rogers… Their whole relationship, everything about it was tragic.”

Clint motioned to the computer. “To say Hydra used James Barnes is the biggest understatement. They did things to him…” It was hard to push down his own anger at the thought so he didn’t. He didn’t even try. But the pain was there too. What he’d just seen was branded into his mind. “He uh… he was mostly called ‘the Asset’. They’d keep him on ice, frozen, until he was needed. And I’m not just talking about average, run of the mill assassinations. No… specific moments that shaped world events. Toppled countries. Pivotal moments in Hydra’s plans for world domination. Who even really knows their exact plans or motives, when they used him and when they didn’t and what for. But there is… there is no _possible_ way to explain the psychological abuse he suffered.”

Laura gave a questioning look at the screen he was staring at but Clint continued before she could. “You know the Winter Soldier was ordered to kill Tony’s parents.”

Laura nodded quietly and the serious, sympathetically pained look in her dark eyes was more than enough.

Clint motioned to the screen. “It was all caught on camera.”

“Was it supposed to be?”

Clint loved her more than anything because she was smart. Just as smart as she was beautiful. Sometimes it amazed him how quick she could really be and he shook his head. “For the ‘Asset’ that was supposed to be a myth? Less than a shadow? No. Of course not.”

“He did it on purpose.” And she was already catching on too.

And Clint could barely manage another nod. “There’s more. He…” he turned his eyes to Laura, maybe begging for some type of understanding on his own part. Some way with coming to terms with the fact that no rescue had been had for Barnes. There never had been. “He looked right at the camera. He walked right up to it. Looked right into it and he…” Clint’s gaze lost focus, settling on the table. “He was completely trapped in all that brainwashing, he was kept on such a short leash, held hostage by Hydra for decades. It’s like there’s two people inside his head now and that was his one chance. That was his one chance Laura. And no one…”

Clint felt her hand squeeze his but he got the words out before he couldn’t. “No one saw it. Hydra buried that so deep and I can’t even imagine what they did to him. It’s a wonder there’s anything left of Barnes.”

“Steve and Barnes are really struggling, aren’t they?”

Quick. Laura was always right there. Following his line of reasoning or even seeing things that he didn’t. And Clint turned his eyes back to her and while he smiled, there wasn’t a lot in it. And he didn’t feel it reach his eyes either. “How did you do it?” he managed and he was surprised at the pain. How deep it all still felt. He was even more surprised when his voice faltered. “How did you love what was left of me after all that?”

Laura leaned forward and met his eyes as seriously as he’d ever seen. “You were shattered. But those pieces were still there. You never lost _you_.”

Clint gave her a shocked look, speechless, equal parts overwhelmed. And love. He couldn’t feel more in love with her just then. Leaning forward, Clint took Laura’s face in his hands and met her lips, trying to convey just how much he loved her in just that kiss alone. If that was even remotely possible. “Thank you.” he whispered against her lips, meeting her eyes with his own intently. And then quickly moved to stand, grabbing his jacket where he'd left it over the back of the chair.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he had to do this right now and why it couldn’t wait until morning… but Clint had a hospital to visit.

 

The hospital was quiet when Clint arrived but it was about six in the morning. And the hospital was private, mostly abandoned in the mid-century but loaded up on all the latest and best SHIELD could offer or what was left of SHIELD. So even though he’d taken a direct jet at about four in the morning, it had all pretty much worked out. Either way, Clint hadn’t told anyone he was coming and he felt like that was for the best.

But running into Tony was a surprise. And Clint gave a questioning look at the hospital room the billionaire was standing in, the empty bed with unlocked, specialized restraints. And there was no signs of Barnes and there were no signs of Rogers either. “Well this is a surprise.” Tony said to him and Clint gave Tony a look as if to say ‘well yeah’. He’d been more surprised to see Tony than anything else.

“When I got here Barnes and Rogers were gone.” Tony motioned to the bed. “But I can’t find the doctor who discharged him. He said something about Barnes acting strangely. I don’t know, I guess Rogers took him home.”

“Strangely?” Clint asked and he reached out, giving one of the restraints a closer glance.

“Yeah something about the Hydra agents he took down in Washington. They used something on him. Something to disrupt his brain waves, scramble his memory, make him more ‘compliant’. Honestly I don’t know how he managed to fight against it enough to take a whole - Clint are you listening to me?”

“Yeah.” Clint said distractedly but the restraints… they’d been picked.

Quickly, Clint looked around the room, for anything else. Barnes hadn’t left with Rogers. Barnes had escaped. “Are you sure Steve didn’t say anything? Wait, no-” Clint held up a hand to Tony. “He wouldn’t.” He wouldn’t at all. He’d just go after Bucky plain and simple. Of course he wouldn’t ask for help but he might not have had the time. And sometimes… sometimes he thought Bucky first and everything else dead last. He wasn’t stupid, no. Steve was smart and capable but hopelessly in love with a man he’d lost. And Clint could understand that too. If he’d ever lost Laura… if Laura had ever lost him through Loki’s brainwashing.

Clint was already out the door.

“Barton?” Tony asked. “Clint!” he called.

Clint ignored him. Bucky wouldn’t leave a trace, the Winter Soldier wouldn’t either. Clint was good, he was real good. And so was Natasha. But the Winter Soldier was on a whole other level they couldn’t exactly touch thanks to the Super Soldier serum and years of training by the finest in espionage. But Clint was guessing that Bucky’s leg wasn’t exactly completely healed yet. And that was the only thing that was giving Clint any sort of clue as to where he’d gone.

“Clint?” Tony asked, jogging to keep up with him. “You mind telling me what the hell is going on here?”

Clint just held up a hand for him to be quiet. And opened up a door to a set of stairs that led up to the roof. “What exactly was this device they used on him?”

“It…” Tony swore under his breath. “In simple terms it makes the brain fuzzy. Like putting a car into neutral. He might be between memories or the past and present. It was why we had to restrain him. Actually he asked for it.”

Clint was already taking the stairs several at a time, up to the roof. And it was raining when he stepped outside. The whole building wasn’t all that tall, maybe ten stories, but it was enough of a height to seriously hurt somebody. And the rain was chilled. But that was there the least of their concerns because there was no mistaking Bucky standing at the far end of the building near enough to the edge to be pretty alarming. But even Tony didn’t wisely say anything loudly, his breath catching. “Son of a bitch. We-”

Clint held out a hand towards Tony and motioned for him to be quiet, briefly putting a finger up to his lips. “I got it.” he said quietly, eyes fixed on Bucky.

Tony gave him a somewhat bewildered glance but did as he said and Clint was relieved for that much at least.

Clint approached Bucky quietly but with enough noise that Barnes would hear him and he knew how to moderate the difference. The point wasn’t to catch him off guard. That’s actually exactly what Clint _didn’t_ want to do. But he didn’t want to startle Bucky either. And somehow this didn’t feel like what it looked like. He just seemed confused and Clint was guessing Bucky was probably a whole lot of that.

“James Barnes?” Clint asked gently, holding up a hand towards him.

Bucky was confused. But the look he gave Clint was there and not pretty much at the same time. “I…”

“It’s all right.” Clint assured him. “I know you’re confused. And I know why too.”

Clint had to look down, watching his footing as he stepped over some pipes slicked and wet from the rain. How Bucky had gotten out this far, well that was all the Winter Soldier. And Clint was relying on experience and training of his own now to get to him. “So let’s just… let’s just have a talk. Okay?”

“I don’t…” Bucky _did_ look confused. And lost. But he was trying. And that was all Clint could ask for. It was like Bucky was trying to work out in his head where the hell he was and why. And like it wasn’t easy either. “I had a nightmare and I woke up… I didn’t know where I was I… I don’t know why I’m out here.”

“That’s okay.” Clint said, holding onto the railing at his back, the other he held out to Barnes.

“I’m… I feel-” Barnes swallowed nervously. “They did this to me before. To… to keep me quiet. It wears off I just-” And the man’s breath caught in something Clint recognized pretty easily as panic. Or the start of it underneath that enforced apathy and relatively emotionless state. “I feel like I can’t… I can’t reach myself. Lost. Stuck between something or just stuck-”

Clint kept his hand outstretched, palm up, towards the man. “It’s okay.” he assured him quietly. “You said it wears off. Right?”

“Right.” Barnes nodded, frowning, but like the reminder had done something to ground him.

“Good.” Clint indicated his outstretched hand. “Come on. Take my hand.” And his smile felt pained but he tried to hide that, he really did. He wasn’t sure he exactly succeeded.

Barnes looked out, over the roof of the building and precarious ledge he was standing on, and then down to his feet. Before turning his eyes onto Clint’s hand. But fortunately, to Clint’s relief, he reached out and took it - slipping his chilled human hand into Clint’s. “That’s it.” Clint murmured, relieved, gently grasping onto Bucky’s hand. “Come on.” he said, easing him back from the roof’s ledge. And he gave a look over at Barnes’ leg but he was only limping a little. Either way, he’d gotten out here. Clint was certain he could get him back off the roof the same way. “I’m sure Steve’s looking all over you.”

Barnes immediately came to a dead stop. He didn’t let go of Clint’s hand but he partially turned away from him and looked… there was that guilt again. In force. And Clint felt a little like he’d been kicked in the stomach at the realization, feeling a little stupid. He’d meant it to be reassuring but of course it wouldn’t be. “Hey.” Clint said, trying to catch Bucky’s eyes. “Look at me. Can you?”

Bucky surprised him by wincing but managing it, face partially obscured by long, dark brown hair nearly made black by the rain. And Clint caught his eyes with his own, fixing him with an intent, insistent gaze. And it was almost hard to get out for some reason. Because he didn’t talk about this often. “An alien race called the Chitauri tried to take over earth years ago. Someone… someone named Loki used me to help them do it. And it broke me. I still…” Clint winced. “I think I’m over it and there it all is again. Reminding me of what I’d become. And what I did.”

Barnes was watching him with slightly widened eyes, shocked, and Clint felt a little desperate to convey to him what he was trying to get across. “My wife, if soul mates really do exist? She’s it. But I didn’t really understand how much she loved me until I was shattered into pieces. Yes I was broken but those pieces were still _me_. And she loved all of them because she’s already loved the bigger picture. Together we figured out which ones were salvageable and which ones could be put back together.” Clint couldn’t tell if it was the rain or Bucky was crying but Clint could relate. The ache in his chest was deep and he had to blink back something suspiciously like tears. “But we did it together.”

Clint didn’t hesitate, reaching down to take Bucky’s other hand and he didn’t care if it was metal or not. He knew Barnes could feel it. “This?” he said, lifting up his metal hand slightly. “Is a piece. I admit, you have new pieces to add to the already broken ones. And you might not know where they fit just yet. But Steve? I know for a fact that you two are the definition of two people who are meant to be together. He already loves you. He loved the whole picture already. And he’s not backing down from those new pieces either. You and I both know he doesn’t do that.”

Bucky’s shoulders were slumped and Clint could see now there were tears intermixed with the rain running down his face and he had to blink back some of his own. But as painful as it might be, he was hoping desperately he’d gotten through. In some way, he felt like what he’d been through, what he’d endured… maybe he was the only one that could understand even just a little of the hurt, of the pain, that Bucky had endured for decades. And what he and Steve were suffering through now, being married as he was to Laura.

“There are a _lot_ of new pieces.” Bucky managed shakily a breath later.

Clint gave both of Bucky’s hands a squeeze, “Let him try.”

After a moment, Clint eased his hand away from Bucky’s metal one. “Come on. Let’s get out of this rain.”

Clint would have let Bucky’s hand go but the other man didn’t so Clint certainly didn’t pull away. He just led Barnes back inside the hospital, noting that Tony had left - probably to give them privacy. Which Clint was appreciative of. Maybe that was the only reason Barnes had opened up to him in the first place and if so, Clint was relieved Tony had left.

They took the stairs easy and when they got back to the ninth floor, just a flight down from the roof, most of the hallways were darkened and the nurses’ station was devoid of any nurses. But this place was supposed to be abandoned. Clint still couldn’t help but wonder where the hell the doctor was but he led Bucky back to the hallway where his room was, the only one lit, giving the man’s hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze, keeping an eye on that leg of is. “Almost there.” he murmured.

Tony and a very worried looking Steve were standing in the hallway waiting for them. And Tony quickly reached out to stop Steve from rushing forward. And Bucky looked… a little less guilty. Still confused but aware. But while Bucky looked sorry, it didn’t seem to come from a huge depth of shame attached to it - not nearly so much anyway.

“Bucky.” Steve said and he looked as surprised as he did worried.

Clint nodded to the door behind Steve. “He left it open to make you think he went out the front door. But he’s all right. Just a little confused.” And Clint looked to Barnes, giving his hand a brief squeeze. “All right?” he asked quietly, seriously.

“Yeah.” Barnes nodded, seeming to understand the double meaning, and Clint released his hand as his eyes met Steve’s. And that was all Steve needed, not that anything else could keep him away from Bucky a second longer, and he hurried forward.

Clint stepped away, putting a hand on the wall, instinctively finding some shadows. A place to be more a fly on the wall. Steve was… Steve. Taking Barnes into his arms carefully but with a no argument type of ‘I’m going to take care of you even if you argue’ that was just the man himself. But Barnes wasn’t fighting and Clint’s eyes briefly caught Tony’s as Rogers helped the man back to his hospital room and bed.

Clint pushed off the doorway and asked Tony quietly. “Where the heck did the doctor go anyway?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Some SHIELD protocol. The second Barnes disappears they’re supposed to go into lock down. It’ll be over when I clear it.”

Well… that wasn’t exactly dumb. And Clint gave Tony a look and Tony’s expression sobered too. “Right.” he said quietly.

After Steve got Barnes cleaned up and dried off, Steve looked like the last thing he wanted to do was put the restraints back on Bucky. But Barnes was still looking a little lost… and like he wanted nothing more than to be put back down and locked away somewhere safe from himself or anywhere else. Clint took his hand out of his jacket pockets and stepped forward out of the hallway where he’d been lingering just because Steve and Barnes didn’t have to be nearly so isolated. But mostly Steve. And he suspected that was why Tony had a tendency to come around too. It wasn’t just Bucky that needed the support. Steve seemed to forget that he could use a whole lot of it himself. But Rogers and Barnes were still mostly a world all to themselves.

“It’s all right.” Clint told Steve, giving him an understanding but brief look. And he reached out and gave Bucky’s shoulder a warm pat, giving him an equally warm smile, his hands already going to the restraints.

Steve seemed… withdrawn. A little shut down. Maybe he had to do it in order to restrain Bucky to a table or to watch Clint do it. But Clint was thorough, understanding, and professional - if there could be such a thing. Bucky wasn’t reacting negatively either. If anything he was steadily getting calmer, more sedate, almost like he was drugged. And Clint wasn’t going to say he hadn’t ‘ventured’ into certain aspects most wouldn’t consider ‘vanilla’… out loud. But he could certainly recognize the psychology behind it all. Most of it was psychological first and that was the big misconception. Clint could understand even in this totally unrelated way that Barnes seemed to need the stability. The reassurance that he wasn’t going to disappear after he closed his eyes.

But Clint was still cautious about the restraint around his neck and gave Bucky a questioning look, holding one of the straps in hand. But Barnes just immediately nodded, gaze an open and trusting one. It was amazing. Clint hadn’t spent much time around the man but all that mental conditioning… Clint shoved those thoughts aside, because nothing negative was happening with Bucky right here or now.

Clint rested a hand on Bucky’s wrist when he was finished. “All good?”

Barnes just nodded quietly.

Clint made a sweep of the room with his eyes, quick and thorough, and realized how Barnes had gotten out before. His metal hand had been strong enough to remove a screw from the bed and use it to pick the restraint. So Clint removed the rail on that side entirely and Barnes… Barnes gave him a pretty grateful look. Clint just gave him a wink and a smile. “We probably won’t see much of each other after this but I want you to know-” his expression sobered. “I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thank you.” Bucky said quietly, looking more than just a little touched and thankful.

Clint put a hand on Steve’s shoulder on the way out after giving Bucky another smile and his wrist over the restraints a quick squeeze. Even Steve’s expression had softened and he managed a smile too, looking a little grateful himself. Clint was just happy he’d been able to help at all. To provide an understanding lifeline to someone that had needed one. In their situation and in particular situations especially, those connections were rare or nonexistent. So they really had to hold onto each other. Especially the Avengers. And especially the unorthodox family they'd become.

 

Clint slept without nightmares that night. He'd half expected to have them what with all the past feelings associated with those nightmares dredged p. But after destroying the haunting tape of the Winter Soldier's only witnessed assassination, and after reaching out to Bucky and maybe even inadvertently helping out a drowning relationship that had no excuse to go under while the Avengers were around... Clint slept free of nightmares of any kind. And he was hoping, out there somewhere safely secure, Bucky was too.

 

FIN


End file.
